All For You
by toledo girl
Summary: Timothy Howard is not the clean cut man presented at Briarcliff. The dark past that he shares with Jude might also possibly be what ruined her.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Abandoned

1952

Jude walked down the sidewalk of the bitter cold streets of Boston. A stern look kept on her face. Her hand was balled in a fist as it held her coat closed. Just a few months ago, she was the happiest woman around, and now she was partially regretting the past events.

Six months earlier...

Jude pulled back her curly blonde hair, offering a smile to the man beneath her. Her eyes gratefully searched his body as she knelt over him, her hands placed on his shoulders. The smirk on his face revealing that the same thoughts were going through his head as her's. Never the less, she wanted to toy with him first.

"I don't know," she said, smirking. "I feel like you might be too tired for me," she teased. It was seven in the morning. They had done this a few times before, where they had stayed up all night with each other. Neither of them had anywhere to be today, so it wasn't a big deal.

Timothy slightly sat up, a smile full of desire. "Your doubt hurts me," he replied, wrapping his arms loosely around her neck. He leaned in and started kissing the side of her neck.

Jude closed her eyes, her head tilting to the side allowing him more room. With one hand remaining on his shoulder, she took her other hand, slowly running it down his toned chest and abs, finally stopping at the rim of shorts. She started playing with the elastic, trying to pull them down as fast as she could.

Timothy slid the straps down on Jude's slip so he could reveal her breasts. His lips moving down to her chest. He began to slightly bite as he felt her hand finally reach penis. The only audible sound in the room was the panting from the room and the springs one the mattress as they moved.

"Someone's ready," Jude breathlessly mentioned as she pulled back from him in order to reposition herself.

Without any hesitation, she went down on him. She was planning on teasing him a few times, but she too was ready, to the point where she was almost impatient.

Oooooo

The two lay together in bed, Jude with a cigarette in her mouth. She offered him a cigarette, and he accepted. "Thank you," he said.

"Just common courtesy," Jude mentioned as she lit the cigarette for him.

Timothy looked over to her and softly laughed. "You know that's not what I mean," he stated.

Jude started laughing. "You never cease to amaze me you know?" she asked. "Thanking your girlfriend for sex. I should be the one thanking you for coming all the way out here," she explained before taking another drag.

Timothy smiled to her, waiting to get her attention.

Jude finally looked over to him, her eyes widening. "Again?" she questioned, surprised that he still had any energy left in him. Sure, he was about ten years younger than her and in good shape, but everyone had to have their stopping point.

"Marry me," he proposed.

"What?" Jude implored. She quickly put her cigarette out in the ashtray on the night stand.

"I mean it," he said. "The last few months have been the happiest of my life."

Jude sat up and kissed him on the lips. "Yes," she said.

Present day...

Jude trudged her way up to Timothy's apartment. Every muscle in her body tensed up as she made her way to the door. She wasn't nervous, scared, or even ashamed. She was however, hurt. Trying to figure out how this argument was going to end, and wondering what she had done to chase him away in the first place.

"Timothy?" she called as she knocked on the door. He had a habit of just ignoring the door if he wasn't expecting anyone.

Timothy opened the door, instantly taken back by the enormous betrayal that was clearly present in her eyes as she glared to him. "Judy?" he questioned. "What happened?"

"We all have our moment of weakness, I understand that. I also understand that we sometimes go long periods of time without seeing each other," she started as she entered the room.

Timothy closed the door behind her. "What are you talking about?" he implored.

Jude turned to him. "I'm talking about the fact that you took away my chance of having children!" she yelled, violently motioning to him.

Timothy just stood there, dumbfounded. "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about," he assured her, his voice rising from agitation.

Jude's eyes started watering. "I got syphilis Timothy," she confessed. "How do you think I got that?" she desperately implored.

She took a second and calmed herself. "I forgive you. I love you enough to forgive you," she assured him.

Timothy suddenly went from confused to angered. "You slut," he hissed. "How dare you! I stayed faithful to you this whole damn time and you're out there fucking who ever you please?"

"I never cheated! I gave up all of that for you Timothy!" she quickly defended.

"I wasn't the one that gave it to you!"

"Then how the hell did I get it huh?" Jude poisonously challenged. She started closing the space between them.

Timothy stood there, stoic. He's eyes narrowed down on her, ashamed of her. "I think you know how you got it," he responded, lowering his voice. "I think you should go now."

Jude just stared to him, disbelieving what she was hearing. She had come up here ready to forgive him, make sure that he too got taken care of and then move on with their relationship. Instead, she was getting dumped. "What do you mean?" she inquired.

"You should go. I can't be with someone that I can't trust anymore," he coldly informed her.

Jude wanted to argue, to fight, but she didn't. Instead, she swallowed her tears and left without a goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Drastic Change

1962

"Now, Mr. Harvey," Jude firmly stated as she stood at the elder man's bedside. Her arm out as she tried to hand the man his pills. "The doctor specifically said that you need to take these twice a day. Please take them or I will go get Dr. Klein," she sternly ordered.

The man looked up to her, almost bitterly as his eyes narrowed on her. "Look Sister," he began. He sat up, keeping eye contact with her. "I'm nearly seventy here. A part of my liver was just taken out. What makes you so sure that I wanna keep going? I ain't got no wife, no kids," he told her.

Jude slightly retracted her arm as her expression softened, looking to him with sympathy. She wanted to say something, but the words just wouldn't come to her. After five years of working at a hospital, she had gotten used to patients trying to bargain with her, telling her that they didn't need this or that. There was something different in this man's plea though, something desperate and familiar.

Mr. Harvey searched her eyes, looking for some understanding. When he saw a glimmer of guilt, he decided to leave her out of what he was about to do. "Fine," he sighed, reaching out and grabbing the container from her hand. "I'll take them," he stated before tossing his head back and dropping the pills into his mouth.

Jude just stood there for a moment, not knowing how to react. The man obviously had to have something up his sleeve. There was no way that he could just change his mind. "Open your mouth," she requested.

He obliged, opening his mouth, even lifting his tongue to show her that he did indeed, swallow the pills. What she didn't know was that he planned on pulling one of his IVs out after she left. He had two hooked up to him. One, he knew was a painkiller, and the other one he wasn't sure of. All he knew was that it was keeping him alive, and that was all the information he needed at this point.

"Good," she said, still not trusting him. There was a part of her though that felt bad. She decided that she could help him, help him get out of this miserable world once and for all. What he was about to do to himself was a sin, but from past experience, she knew that sometimes it was worth it. She looked over to the IVs and pointed to the one closest to her. "Now, make sure that you keep those pills down and that this IV in particular does not accidentally come out. The other one is simply a painkiller, you can live without it, but this one you do need," she explained. She then slowly looked to him. "You understand?"

Mr. Harvey picked up on what she was doing and offered her a smile of gratitude. "Yes Sister. Thank you," he answered.

Jude just nodded and quickly turned to leave, closing the door behind her. She was hoping that he at least had the decency to wait until she was down the hall to start doing anything to himself. Then again, it really didn't matter. It was getting late, and visiting hours had already ended. It was quiet around the hospital now.

Jude got the elevator and stepped inside. It was four years ago that she started working here, over at Boston Mercy. Since then, she had been becoming more and more numb. Everyday she would see the sick and dying. She would go from room to room cleaning their messes and arguing with the ornery patients. Most patients, made it out of this place, and she was glad to see them leave. It almost gave her this feeling of accomplishment to see them on their way out the door. Other times, she would have to go into the room and find the dead body. At first, those were the times that made her question everything, whether or not it was all worth it anymore. Now though, she had become indifferent to it, just looking at it as simply another part of her job.

Some time tomorrow, she would witness what she considered just another part of her job. She would go into Mr. Harvey's room a few times, pray for him, tell him to take his medicine when she knew that it was all an act, and then eventually walk in to see his dead body. A death that she had helped to occur.

The doors opened and Jude stepped out, making sure to keep her emotions hidden under her cold composure. Her heels clicking as she quickly made her way down the hall. It was time for her to head back to the house where she was staying with the rest of the nuns that worked here. Her concentration was broken as soon as she heard a faint sobbing. It was almost immediately that she recognized the sound.

"Sister Mary Eunice?" she questioned. Jude stopped and turned, facing the direction in which she heard the noise. It took her a minute, but she figured out where the young girl was hiding. Sighing, she went and opened the janitor's closet. "You cannot be doing this every time," she lightly scolded her.

Mary Eunice sat on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest as she sobbed into them. She was brand new to all of this here. Anytime she saw a dead person, or someone was horribly mean to her, she lost it. "I'm sorry Sister," she sobbed.

Jude rolled her eyes. "Come on," she sighed, offering her hand to help the other nun up off the floor. "Let's get you back to the house. These patients are already depressed enough without seeing the emotional nun," she said.

Mary Eunice grabbed onto her hand and pulled herself up to her feet. "I'm sorry Sister," she muttered. She was ashamed of herself, being found crying in the corner. It didn't help that she had been found by someone that she deeply respected.

Jude just nodded before turning and continuing on her way to the door. Mary Eunice quickly followed her. They both got to the car and rode together in silence, for what Mary Eunice felt was way too long. She just sat there in the passenger seat, mulling over the questions that she had been dying to ask Jude. For instance, out of the corner of her eyes, she could see how tightly Jude was gripping the steering wheel. She always seemed a little tense when it came to driving and she never if she was irritating Jude, or if it had something to do just with the fact that she was driving. There was another question running through her mind though, one more important. "Did you really get another job offer?" Mary Eunice asked, biting her lip as soon as she was done.

Jude raised her brows, wondering how she had even known about that. She hadn't told anyone and she was pretty sure that she should have been the only one who knew. "Yes," she curtly answered. It was during her time at the hospital today that she realized that she wanted to take the offer. It was a position of power and she wouldn't have to necessarily deal with all the menial things like she did now. She would be the head of Briarcliff Manor, an asylum. Sure, it was probably going to almost be as bleak as working at a hospital, most likely worse actually. It was still something different though, something she needed right now.

"Oh," Mary Eunice muttered, turning to look out her window. She didn't want Jude to see that she was upset with this answer.

Jude sat back as she stopped at the red light, looking over to the other nun with curiosity. "What is it Sister?" she inquired. It didn't take much to notice that she had hurt her.

Mary Eunice shook her head, afraid that if she spoke, she would start crying again.

"Sister Mary Eunice. We talked about this. If you have something to say, say it," Jude firmly told her. She sat back up and grabbed onto the wheel as the light turned green.

Mary Eunice did her best to suppress her whimpers as she looked to Jude. "None of the other nuns like me," she admitted.

"Have you tried talking to them?" Jude questioned. She felt horrible, hearing this from Mary Eunice, but she needed to make sure that she had tried putting forth the effort. Although, knowing her, she figured the young nun had already tried.

"Yes," Mary Eunice whispered.

Silence fell between the two, each one feeling guilty. Jude didn't like the idea of just leaving Mary Eunice and Mary Eunice didn't like holding Jude back from something she wanted. Neither of them wanted the separation.

Jude let out a heavy sigh. She was the one in charge of hiring the other nuns once she got there. Even though she hated the idea of Mary Eunice in an asylum for the criminally insane, she figured that if she did accept the offer, that she could just look after her more. Jude figured that maybe she could find paper work items at first for her, things around the office. That way she would have time to get used to things before dealing with the patients.

"You know, I will be recruiting a group to work there," she hesitantly offered.

Mary Eunice quickly looked to her, eyes widened with surprise. "You really mean that?" she implored.

Jude nodded. "Just submit your application and I will go over it," she instructed. In her mind though, she already had the job. She just had to go through the process for her to make it look like she wasn't playing favorites or anything.

Mary Eunice smiled to her, knowing that she would get the spot. "I will," she replied.

Oooooo

Jude sat in her room that night, getting ready for bed. She had just done her night time prayers and was now staring at her open closet, revealing the four habits. There were also a couple of nicer outfits, a few different pairs of shoes. The things of her new life and her old life sitting together in one spot. The one dress was the very one that she wore to her's and Timothy's engagement party – a red pencil skirt dress with quarter length sleeves.

Now, that very dress was hung up next to her black, drab habit. The bittersweet irony present before her very eyes. The fact that everything she enjoyed was now taken away from her so that she would have a better life. It was a simple reminder of the things that she used to live for, the parties and the late night singing at the bars. The free life style she used to live.

Now, as she sighed, getting up from her spot on the bed as she got up and shut the door. She shared the room with three others and wanted to be in bed before they got there. Her new position at Briarcliff was now known and she knew a couple of them that would be interested in jobs there. Now, just wasn't the time to deal with it.

Before she got back to her bed though, she stopped at her trunk at the foot of her bed. Her eyes carefully looking it over as she decides whether or not to actually open it. She finally gives into her desires, she kneels down and unlocks it, pulling up the lid and revealing the contents inside. The more revealing dresses, hold make up bag that still contained the red lipstick, the mascara and eye shadow. She still had her silk nylons and jewelry. Most importantly though, she still had the red slip that Timothy had given her. The red, lacy slip. Jude made sure to look over her shoulder and make sure that she was alone before she picked up the slip and felt the material between her fingers.

It was only briefly though that she got to look over her things. As soon as she heard the footsteps out in the hall, she quickly dropped the slip and closed the lid, making sure to lock it. No one ever had to know. Never.


End file.
